Three Months in Australia: Life as an American Expat in Perth

Three Months in Oz: Fritos, Halloween, and House Hunters International

Life has been piddling along here in Oz. With three months under our belts, we're finally starting to get a good sense of this place, how things work, and maybe more importantly, how we fit into it. A little two-and-a-half-week stint away also gave me a new appreciation and love for this little pocket of Western Australia that I’m proud to call home. So, here's a little of what we've been up to.

A Little Scotland in the Middle of Australia

Partway through October, I left to lead our tour through Scotland. It was a really awesome trip and a welcome change of pace. Full disclosure, I intentionally did this to myself. There are much quicker ways to get from Perth to Europe, but in my brilliance, I thought I was doing myself a favor with the routing because of our pet import situation. I was not.

It took me 1 day and 7 hours to get there, traveling through Malaysia and Türkiye, but believe it or not, it was actually a really smooth journey and literally flew by.

In Scotland, I traded in the sunshine for some moody, Halloweeny, Harry Potter vibes. We started in Edinburgh, with its broody, spooky, old world charm. We learned about the plague, grave robbers, and surgeon barbers (no thanks), and generally had a lovely time before sipping our way through the Cairngorms, one whisky at a time.

From there, we settled in Inverness, where we attempted to hunt for Nessie, explored some beautiful castle ruins, and caught some live Scottish entertainment with what seemed like a surprising number of people from Chicago. Apparently, you can't go anywhere without running into someone from the Midwest.

I also learned that boiled eggs are easier to peel when they're older. I only think about it every single day, so thanks a lot, Brian.

Just teasing.

Next, we drove through the Highlands to the Isle of Skye, which was undoubtedly my favorite of all the places we visited. The dramatic coastline, seemingly endless rainbows, and breathtaking scenery were just something else. I also found out what cow tongues feel like and got bullied about my protein intake. I won't name any names, but my tormentors name rhymes with Schmachel. You know who you are.

We had a fairly long final day on the road, which included a trip on the Jacobite Steam Train, otherwise known as the Hogwarts Express. I tried to keep a running Land + See joke about fake cigarettes alive and nearly got expelled from Hogwarts in the process. Some jokes just refuse to die, apparently.

We wrapped things up at Dalhousie Castle, with a private piping performance by none other than the world famous Dougie, who used to pipe for the Queen. Some of you may remember him from our previous Scotland tour. The castle stay was brief but comfortable, even if it did include the longest dinner any of us can remember in recent history.

Our early morning departure was also met with some very hunky firefighters, despite our resident troublemaker and fire alarm setter offer not even being on this trip. It was a nice reminder that some people manage to make an appearance on our tours even when they're thousands of miles away.

All in all, Scotland was wonderful. There's something about being back in a place you know and love, sharing it with a new group of people, and getting to experience it all over again through their eyes. It was a really special trip, and a nice little reminder of why I love what I do.

The Great Pet Migration, Round Who Even Knows Anymore

After Scotland, the plan was to have one day to catch up and then drive 13 hours with the pets to Dallas. They would head to quarantine, and I would head home to Perth. Simple enough, right?

Naturally, things did not go according to plan.

One of the required bits of testing for their Australian import paperwork was delayed, which meant we missed our original flight. It was a little nuts for a few days trying to rearrange everything, but the team was amazing, and we were eventually able to get everyone on a flight together that following Saturday.

I'm not sure who was more stressed out, Dr. Cornman or me. Since we travel together, I think we both felt an extra layer of pressure trying to mix business and pleasure while navigating the adventure of getting these pets to Australia. But she and her team did an absolutely amazing job, and I definitely owe her a drink (or two).

Side note: I think my badly behaved boys may have officially broken her, because she's now threatening to retire from pet exports after this experience. I hope she’s joking.

I took this photo outside her office with the intention of jokingly sending it to her as a symbol of our relationship post-import: "She's dead to me." But I decided that might be a little too much, so I'll just share it here instead.

Too soon? Haha.

As if that wasn't enough, Jericho managed to injure the pad of his foot getting a little too excited about breakfast the day before we were supposed to drive to Dallas. This sent us all into a bit of a panic because the last thing we needed was another potential delay. Thankfully, Dr. Cornman saved the day yet again and was able to call in some medication for him to start immediately, and he was cleared to make the journey as planned.

My parents had originally planned to come with me to Dallas (bless them), but the date change meant they could no longer make it. So, the furry boys and I loaded up the car at 4 a.m. and drove nonstop to Dallas, fueled by weak Rogers mushroom coffee, a questionable Spotify playlist featuring far too many boy bands, and the Colin Gosselin memoir on Audible (side note: Kate Gosselin is a nut job).

One of the pets, who shall remain nameless, spent a good portion of the drive farting in the car, but other than that, it was a relatively uneventful journey.

The boys made it to quarantine, and I made it back to Perth. Jericho's paw has been healing, Albi is tolerating quarantine, and we're keeping our fingers crossed for their eventual release and reunion with us here at home tomorrow. More on the entire pet import process later. That's a whole blog post in and of itself, and probably one I need to write before I block out the trauma.

Mission Accomplished: Mexican-style

If there was one real silver lining to this entire pet delay saga, it was the absolutely unreasonable amount of Mexican food I got to consume along the way. I'm still having wet dreams about cheese dip and frozen margaritas, and those memories will have to sustain me until next time.

I also managed to sneak in a Mexican rendezvous with a very special friend from high school. Taylor Swift and her bestie may have their secret Napoleon Dynamite language, but we have sombreros. Some friendships just speak for themselves.

Walmart, American Candy, and a Little Taste of Home

Speaking of the trip home, I learned something about myself that I wasn't entirely prepared for. I have been wrong about Walmart my entire life.

Old me hated Walmart and would avoid it at all costs. Australia me went at every possible opportunity. Sometimes twice a day, just to bask in all the options and familiarity. Do you need pet tags? Carving pumpkins? Dead rat decor? Look no further than your friendly neighborhood Wally World. Turns out, I'm a brat who didn't know how good she had it.

I bought two plastic storage totes and filled them almost entirely with snacks, American Halloween candy, and, of course, FRITOS! Miraculously, everything survived the journey. The Halloween candy and Fritos are already gone, naturally, but we enjoyed consuming them immensely.

It's funny what you miss when you move somewhere new. I never would have imagined that one of the things I'd be most excited to see again was a Walmart snack aisle, but here we are. Apparently, home is wherever the Fritos are.

Halloween: We May Have Found Our Calling

Halloween here was SO much fun.

We had been warned that Halloween is largely considered an American holiday and to keep our expectations low when it came to turnout, decorations, and general enthusiasm. As the only Americans around (I'm told there are others, I just haven't met them yet), we felt a little pressure to at least represent an American Halloween.

Full disclosure, last year was my first time ever decorating beyond a few jack o' lanterns on the porch, so this isn't exactly my area of expertise.

Finding costumes and decorations was a challenge. There is no Spirit Halloween equivalent here, and even the cheap stuff at Walmart would have been a serious upgrade to what I was finding. In the end, we pieced everything together with a hodgepodge of Temu, Kmart, and Salvos (Salvation Army, but with a cute Australianized name). And, I did cheat and go to Spirit Halloween for the final touches when I was in Texas, but the majority was Australian acquired.

Here are Archer and I in our final Halloween looks.

Since all the kids at Archer's school are currently obsessed with Michael Jackson, we decided to put together a skeleton, zombie, Thriller montage in the yard. Australians apparently don't start putting their Halloween decorations out until the week of Halloween, so by American standards, we were ridiculously late to the game. By Australian standards, we were right on time, getting everything set up the Sunday before.

We also bought a cheap projector and a white sheet because we thought it would be fun to play the Thriller music video once the sun went down. Plot twist: Australian Halloween is basically over by the time the sun goes down. Good to know for next year! Here’s are attempt, although it was really mostly just us who enjoyed it.

Our first trick or treater arrived around 4 p.m., and the last one came around 7. In between, we had a STEADY stream of people, probably well over a thousand if I had to guess. The American candy was a huge hit, as was our weird little hodgepodge of Thriller enthusiasm. People were Ubering to our yard, taking photos, shaking hands with us, and just genuinely having the best time.

Jordan even made little blood orange syringe shots to hand out to the adults, which seemed to genuinely rock everyone's world. Shout out to our neighbors in Mill Glen for the inspiration of alcoholic bevvies for the adults.

A few of my girlfriends helped us hold down the fort and pass out candy, and it turns out our house is strategically positioned just about perfectly. We're roughly a block from the primary school, which is where everyone gathers to trick or treat, so the stars really just aligned to put us in the ideal spot for a proper Halloween setup.

One of my favorite things about the whole evening was what happened when we ran out of candy. Despite one emergency run to the IGA for reinforcements and all of the girlies showing up with bags of candy, we eventually started running low again. Families who weren't home handing out candy simply brought their own buckets over and started dumping their leftover candy into ours so the party could keep going. I genuinely loved that. There's something really lovely about a community coming together and helping each other out, especially when the mission is keeping the Halloween candy flowing.

I lost count of how many kids showed up dressed as MJ, but there's a hilarious photo of at least five of them in our yard at the same time.

Roman had a crew of boys meeting at the house to go trick or treating together, and it was adorable watching some of them try American candy for the first time. One boy in particular was VERY excited to try a real life Twizzler. I told him to keep his expectations low and imagine chewing on a piece of wax that had once been stored near some strawberries. He agreed it was underwhelming, but it was still pretty fun watching everyone try something new.

All in all, it was such a fun night and pretty much solidified that I want to be THE Halloween house every year. So please, hit me with all your best ideas for next year. I have a reputation to uphold now.

Slowly But Surely Becoming Australian

Speaking of the boys, Roman is starting to develop the slightest little Aussie twang in the way he pronounces certain words. There are longer, more exaggerated vowel sounds and little shifts in emphasis that weren't there before.

I had wondered if and when the boys would start sounding Australian, and it turns out it doesn't take very long. Archer still sounds like Archer, but Roman is slowly morphing into a teenage mutant ninja Aussie right before my very eyes.

It's a little strange hearing those changes happen in real time, especially when you realize that this place is starting to become their normal. They're picking up the expressions, the pronunciations, and all the little things that make a place feel like home. Before long, I'll probably be the only one in the house still saying things the American way.

The Great Australian War Against Wine Corks

One funny observation I've had recently about the differences between Australia and just about everywhere else came in the form of me losing one of my superpowers.

For years, I have been able to determine whether a wine is fancy based on some very superficial, but science-driven criteria. Things like what country it's from (spoiler alert, I just look for France), how aesthetically pleasing the label is, and, the pièce de résistance, whether it has a screw top or an actual cork.

Well, Australia is apparently at war with the cork.

Something about France sending them the rejects and the cork compromising the quality and seal of the wine. Whatever. All I hear is that we only have screw tops here, and now I actually have to learn real facts about what makes a wine good instead of relying on my extremely sophisticated visual assessment system.

Friends, I feel entirely handicapped.

Removing the cork is like taking away the steering wheel from someone and telling them they should be perfectly happy getting where they're going. It's a perfectly normal part of the experience, and now I'm expected to just get over it?

I'm not ready.

My only remaining form of measurement is whether it comes in a box or a bottle. I suppose I'll have to start learning about wine properly. What a terrible predicament.

A Little Something Else in the Works

And finally, a little bit of exciting news that I can share, although there's not much to report just yet.

Shortly before our move to Australia, there was a casting call for expats in Perth who would be willing to have their move featured on House Hunters International. We had some initial conversations with the producers and ultimately decided it would be a fun way to capture this particular moment in our lives.

As long-time fans of the show (which may or may not have played a role in inspiring us to live abroad in the first place), we thought it would be pretty special to have a little time capsule of our move and the beginning of this chapter in Australia.

I'll keep you posted as our episode gets closer to airing. For now, it's a fun little secret to have tucked away, and something else to look forward to.

And I think that's probably the theme of life lately. We're still figuring things out, still finding our people, still learning the little quirks of a new country, and occasionally finding ourselves in situations we never could have predicted. Some days feel wonderfully ordinary, and others remind us just how far we've come and how much is still ahead.

Three months in, it doesn't all feel new anymore, but it doesn't quite feel like home in every way either. We're somewhere in between, building our routines, collecting stories, and slowly making this place ours.

More adventures to come. And hopefully, next time, with considerably fewer international pet logistics involved.

To be continued...